Based on the title, sometime if the traffic is so bad that you might be trapped for few hours but what to do if you need to poop and pee so badly?
There is nothing you can do if you cannot find a place to stop the car and go pee inside some buildings. Unless you want to peep inside a botol or plastic bag or just let it go inside the car and find car wash later. You can always tell the car washer that your pet pees inside your car. You can also practise zen or chanting to distract yourself from the urge to pee. Let the pee inside you to be absorbed by the skin and let them evaporate through your skin.
I never encounter the situation before. But this is a post written by my friend. You can refer on it.
So I’m leaving my buddies house… and I get the feeling like I have to poo. I figure ‘fvck it, I can make it back home (it’s about 25 miles, straight highway shot… takes me about 20 min … normally ) I think one last time (before I get on the highway) that I should just pull over to the gas station and let it rip… I decide that avoiding the atomic bathrooms was in my best interest… I hop on the highway, and traffic is light to moderate… I get about 2 exits down, and as I pass the third exit… everything stops…… traffic is just idle. For about 5 min. we don’t move at all.. my stomach starts grumbling… uh oh, I think… I am stuck, just past an exit, and there is a few miles before the next one.. I think I’ll just hold it out.
Well, the traffic starts moving slow.. and I mean slow. I.e., I didn’t even press the gas.. just let my foot off the clutch so it was moving like ~ 2mph… We get stuck again… I’m think my ass is about to blow worse than Mt. St. Helen! I am literally shaking/sweating… I have no idea what I’m going to do…
Well, it gets beyond control.. I either make a plan, or I duece my pants.. there is no other option. Keep in mind I’m in a volvo s70 (not my bimmer thank G-d)… it’s stopped traffic and there is no window tint.. plus, it’s the middle of the day. I take off my shirt, drop my shorts and underwear. I lay down my shirt on the seat, lean forward so that my head is basically resting on the windshield, and I struggle… I push and push and nothing… It’s just so big that it’s jammed up in my gut, man that thing ain’t moving! I am still sweating, but now I’m freakin’ naked (except for my shoes and socks)… I cannot even bare to look next to me to see if these people are watching me struggle thinking ” what in the mother fcking hell is he doing??” I squeeze and squeeze and finally the turtle head pops out… I push like I’m giving birth to a freakin’ full grown elephant , and finally I am able to deploy my lincoln log… I lay the biggest brown pipe ever right in my shirt. It was all solid (thank god) about a 2 foot hot snake all coiled up and stairing back at me … I use my boxers to whipe, and ball it all up together… I set the clothed poo wad in the passenger seat, pull my shorts back on, and just sit there in utter relief… still staring straight ahead out of fear of seeing a school bus full of traumatized shool-children or something next to me, or some guy taking pics or something… I finally switch lanes over to the far right, roll down the window, and fling out my poo-wad as far as I can. That thing was heavy as hell! I finally get home (approx. 1 hr later)… and proceed to sanitize the car… I never cleaned a seat better than I did that day… I also took a long shower and tried to forget what I had just done…
Oh well… What can you do?
So, tint your window, prepare some bottles or plastic bags or diapers in your car just in case.
If you accidentally peed or pooped inside your car, blame the dog! Bring your car to car wash and tell them your pets did it. Wait them clean your car like a boss.