So, what can you do if you trapped in traffic jam but you need to pee or poop?

Based on the title, sometime if the traffic is so bad that you might be trapped for few hours but what to do if you need to poop and pee so badly?

Pee
There is nothing you can do if you cannot find a place to stop the car and go pee inside some buildings. Unless you want to peep inside a botol or plastic bag or just let it go inside the car and find car wash later. You can always tell the car washer that your pet pees inside your car. You can also practise zen or chanting to distract yourself from the urge to pee. Let the pee inside you to be absorbed by the skin and let them evaporate through your skin.

Poop
I never encounter the situation before. But this is a post written by my friend. You can refer on it.

So I’m leaving my buddies house… and I get the feeling like I have to poo. I figure ‘fvck it, I can make it back home (it’s about 25 miles, straight highway shot… takes me about 20 min … normally ) I think one last time (before I get on the highway) that I should just pull over to the gas station and let it rip… I decide that avoiding the atomic bathrooms was in my best interest… I hop on the highway, and traffic is light to moderate… I get about 2 exits down, and as I pass the third exit… everything stops…… traffic is just idle. For about 5 min. we don’t move at all.. my stomach starts grumbling… uh oh, I think… I am stuck, just past an exit, and there is a few miles before the next one.. I think I’ll just hold it out.
Well, the traffic starts moving slow.. and I mean slow. I.e., I didn’t even press the gas.. just let my foot off the clutch so it was moving like ~ 2mph… We get stuck again… I’m think my ass is about to blow worse than Mt. St. Helen! I am literally shaking/sweating… I have no idea what I’m going to do…
Well, it gets beyond control.. I either make a plan, or I duece my pants.. there is no other option. Keep in mind I’m in a volvo s70 (not my bimmer thank G-d)… it’s stopped traffic and there is no window tint.. plus, it’s the middle of the day. I take off my shirt, drop my shorts and underwear. I lay down my shirt on the seat, lean forward so that my head is basically resting on the windshield, and I struggle… I push and push and nothing… It’s just so big that it’s jammed up in my gut, man that thing ain’t moving! I am still sweating, but now I’m freakin’ naked (except for my shoes and socks)… I cannot even bare to look next to me to see if these people are watching me struggle thinking ” what in the mother fcking hell is he doing??” I squeeze and squeeze and finally the turtle head pops out… I push like I’m giving birth to a freakin’ full grown elephant , and finally I am able to deploy my lincoln log… I lay the biggest brown pipe ever right in my shirt. It was all solid (thank god) about a 2 foot hot snake all coiled up and stairing back at me … I use my boxers to whipe, and ball it all up together… I set the clothed poo wad in the passenger seat, pull my shorts back on, and just sit there in utter relief… still staring straight ahead out of fear of seeing a school bus full of traumatized shool-children or something next to me, or some guy taking pics or something… I finally switch lanes over to the far right, roll down the window, and fling out my poo-wad as far as I can. That thing was heavy as hell! I finally get home (approx. 1 hr later)… and proceed to sanitize the car… I never cleaned a seat better than I did that day… I also took a long shower and tried to forget what I had just done…

Oh well… What can you do?

So, tint your window, prepare some bottles or plastic bags or diapers in your car just in case.

If you accidentally peed or pooped inside your car, blame the dog! Bring your car to car wash and tell them your pets did it. Wait them clean your car like a boss.

What to do when you stuck in Traffic Jam

Traffic Jam is just like constipation, you want to let go your gear but there is no way to let it go. Traffic jam is the problem we get to face it every working days, stuck for 10 minutes consider you get lucky for the day. I was once get caught in traffic jam for 2.3 hours, I can’t felt my legs when I reached home. (Me using manual car, cool, yea, I know)

So what you do when you get stuck in traffic jam? I have seen many people messaging, reading newspaper, singing along with the radio, cursing, playing phone, watching videos from mobile phone, self checkout from the mirror, smoking, blah and blah. Boring, boring, boring! Why can’t you do something fun when you get stuck in traffic jam!

Playing mobile phone games or apps is dangerous even if your vehicle is stopped because of traffic jam. You will lose your focus on road/ traffic condition. Reading newspaper or website will slow down your reflexes. So, what to do when you get caught in traffic?

1- Play mind games
You can train your brain with some mind games. Use a stopwatch, count 1.2.3 in your mind, the game is to sync the numbers in your mind with a stopwatch. This game can calm your mind and make yourself become a human countdown timer! If your microwave’s timer spoiled, but you still can cook your meal perfectly!

2- Train your memory
With mobile phone and all sort of digital devices to help you record everything, I guess your brain is aging and memory is fading. Admit it, you can’t even memorize more than 5 contact numbers. Well, you can start training your memory power when you stuck in traffic jam, find 5 cars that you like on the road, memorize their car plate number and check if you can write down those numbers when you crawl back to your home/destination.

3- Study vocabulary
Same like method 2, but you can choose to memorize new vocabulary from the language you want to master. Get some vocabulary flash card and enhance your vocab, in the same time you can boost your confidence in communications. You can show off to your friends too. Try to get some Shakespeare’s ultimate elegant, extremely bewildering jabs and affronts sentences. You can use that on your enemy and make them looks like half-baked.

4- Check the surroundings or self check out
Open your eyes wide and check out what the other driver or passengers doing when they get stuck. Maybe you will find some hot couples kissing, the process of make up, people eating nasi lemak using 1 hand.. blah and blah. Who knows, you might really get lucky, some pretty girl get bored and start conversation with you through hand gesture from their car. You can also self check out with the built-in mirror. Check if is time to trim nose hair, check if you need a facial or how to shape your mustache handsomely. blah and blah.

5- Call someone to chat
Call toll free numbers and chat with random operators. Of course, i am not asking you call to hospital, police or emergency force la. but you can call to banks, restarants, or even some society clubs. Remember, Bruce Willis gets his gf from this way too in RED2. Remember to use your handsfree when you make a call. I am not responsible if you get caught.

The end, kthxb.

PS: Here is a free gift from me, use this to scold your enemy wisely.

Birthday Celebration for friends


Ran out of ideas how to prank celebrate your friend’s birthday? Here, you can take my ideas to become the master party planner. My ideas are totally safe for all ages, no kinky stuff involved, suitable to use on girls.

The Birthday cake

Let’s assume your friend is having his/her 18’s birthday. You can go to market to buy 18 pieces egg tarts or any tarts, or any other food you think is suitable as a substitute for the tarts. Give the tarts one of those birthday cake’s boxes, decorate the box and present it to your friends. He/she have to eat all those tarts in order to get good luck for the rest of the year. I’ve done that to a friend of mine, I made a gathering in a Chinese restaurant, order 18 pieces of xiao long bao and watched her finish the xiao long bao. She was happy because no one done that to her before.

Ok, i admit, she whacked me on the next day. So, do it on your own risk.

The event

Let’s pretend normal and tell your friend that you are going to have a birthday party for her. Ask her to go to location A at 7pm for the party. Keep bluffing her how great the party will be, the person you invited and the food. Let her to have high expectation. At 6.30pm, you message her urgently, tell her your car’s tire was flat, you need help to change tire or any other reason to lure her to go to your place and make her thinks that the party will be cancel. Send the other guests to the final location where the party will be held. Sit and wait till she rush to your place, ask her to open car boot to get the tools. Inside the car boot, you can prepare some nitrogen balloons, the birthday presents or flower, so when the time she open the boot, the nitrogen balloons will rise to the high and surprise her with the wonderful set up.

Hide and Seek

Plan a puzzles game to store the birthday present. Ask her to go to the park or the place where you set up the game, give her some clues to solve the puzzles and sit back wait till she got her birthday present.

Ok, i ran out of creative ideas already, please provide me some.

Ps: I offer birthday webpage service, 1 webpage only charge for RM50. Click here for references.

DIRT CHEAP ways to celebrate Valentine’s Day

So, it’s the pink time of the year again. This year, we are celebrating double Valentine’s day because Chinese Valentine’s day fall on the same date of Western Valentine’s day. Yes, there is Chinese Valentine’s day out there too, but I am not sure if there is any other blah Valentine’s day. I am here to rescue you from spending money on this overly commercialized day. Here is my little advice for you to celebrate Valentine’s day in super cheap ways.

Flowers? Chocolates?
Roses and chocolates are overrated, especially in this special day, the price of rose is like gold. Tell her, roses and chocolates are overrated in this day, you are a very special person, you are too classy to be matched with roses and chocolates. What you need to do is to take a picture of her and tell her, you are the most important person in my life, I wish I could get a star or the moon for you but I couldn’t, I am now taking a picture of you and keep that picture with me everywhere so I can be motivated to find more money to bring you to the moon.

Bears? Gift?
Handmade card is so lame, bear and other fluffy stuff? unless you are dating with Dora the explorer. Today, you don’t have to prepare any gift. Before she ask you for any present, you ask from her first! Tell her, in Japan, girl give guy gifts of handmade chocolate as well as other gifts.

Romantic Dinner
This is the most headache problems in Valentine’s day. Every restaurant, even the chain restaurant also will be crowded. The set meals will be very expensive because is the day for the restaurant to cut your throat and suck your blood. Buy her sandwich ingredients, tell her, today is the test day for you, I need to see if you can make my sandwich before you receive my.. ( just smile ) She will make you dinner.

Entertainment
The night is so long. What should you do after dinner? Do you want to do shopping in human sea? Do you want to watch lego movie with your gf with a bunch of teens? Do you want to watch bluray in the room? Those ideas are so so so so boring! You can bring her back to your office, then tell her, I want you to look at me when I am working, I need you to know that I suffer 5 working days to do stuff I am not interested, to face people that I hate because I need to earn money for our future. Then you can do plan your works ahead and in the same time chat with her. She will thinks you are a very romantic person.

The Night
Well, i am ran out of creativity for this one. Either you sleep in her room, or she sleep in your room or both of you spend the night in hotel or vehicle.

The end, Happy Valentine

P/s: I am not responsible for anything happened to you, either you get dumped, get married or get babies.

10 Things to do In Berjaya Times Square, Kuala Lumpur.


Berjaya Times Square is one of the popular shopping malls located in the golden triangle of Kuala Lumpur. Everything is under one roof but this shopping mall is more catered for teenagers and tourist. Besides to do shopping and walk around, below is a list that I purpose to you – 10 things to do in Berjaya Time Square!

Dark Corner

Dark Corner

1- Hide and Seek
This building is huge and have more than 10 levels. You can easily hide yourself in any of the retail shops. There were many secret back doors and stairs in the building too. But be careful, there was a rumours about a young couples who tried to open a random door and the guy fall down from 8 or 9 floors to the ground floor because that was a under maintenance lift room. Also, you might saw something you will not want to see or you want to see! ( Refer to No.9). The security team in BTS is very hardworking, there are a lot of guards patrolling in each floors, if they find you suspicious, they might bring you to the black room office for interrogation. How I wish if the famous Korea variety show- Runningman held their name tag game in BTS!


2- Cosplay
I assume this is the only one shopping mall that the people inside will accept what you wearing. I have seen a bald samurai Malay guy with a giant paper sword, sailormoon, Gabsty potential models around the building. The fashion trends in BTS is more to Japan Akihabara style but now Korean trend is the kingly way! You can spot Hyunas or Shinees in BTS. I must praise for their fashion sense and bravery. They are so young and dare to be different! YOLO! So wear what you want to wear to BTS.


3- Make New Friends!
If you want to make more friends from all over the world, you need to visit BTS! You can find many foreign tourists or workers in BTS. Try to greet them and start a conversation, who knows you might be able to friend some Arabian prince or Indonesian princess. There are many Korean students hanging around in BTS too. If you look for the white people, you can always catch them in ground floor Starbucks or Krispy Kreme.

Escalators

Escalators

4- Exercise
This building have more than 10 levels for you to run up and down. No worry, you won’t be tempt to use lift because the lift in BTS is slower than Spongebob’s pet and it’s always full of people. So, just save up the time and work out your ass. Who don’t want chocolate abs, honey thigh, round booty? Come to BTS and exercise around. But, be careful, do not disturb the tourist and other people in the mall. Do it quietly and in Ninja Style.

5- Relax your mind with the Eye candies in BTS
This is one good damn reason for you to visit BTS. Open your eyes widely and you can find your Hyuna, Yoona and whatever Na around BTS. There are many uljang girls and boys in there, big and innocent eyes, vivid and long eyelashes, porcelain skin with good fashion. You can politely ask them to take a photo together and show off in your instagram or facebook. Who knows, you might find your destiny girl/guy in BTS. For those who read this post, I will pray for you, I wish you can find your destined one in BTS!

Beautiful KL city Scenery

Beautiful KL city Scenery

6- Beautiful Scenery
You can bring your partner to BTS and enjoy the beautiful scenery of KL city from their crystal clear big window. The parking in BTS is relatively cheap compared with other parking areas. Bringing your other half to enjoy the beautiful night or day scenery of KL city in BTS can save your wallet from bleeding and also your other half might admire you more for bringing him/her to special place to view KL scenery other than the mainstream places. What you need to do is to borrow a motorcycle from your friends or family (Rm 1 for motorcycle parking), invite your partner at 8pm to BTS. Why 8pm? Because 6pm-7pm is traffic peak hours, I don’t think you want to stuck in the traffic jam and get yourself sweaty and hungry before you reach BTS. Besides, 8pm is after dinner hours, you can save your money from treating your other half for dinner. Need not to thank me for this brilliant idea.

Electric Socket

Electric Socket

7- Free electricity, water and free wifi in certain restaurants.
Holy moly, what can you ask more from BTS. You can get your daily needs in BTS for free! You can bring your laptop or tabs to play flappy birds for whole day and no one will disturb you! There are plenty of electric sockets around BTS, you can always find them in some walls. You can also enjoy latest kpop music video in level 4, outside of Dubu Dubu restaurant.

8- Improve your appearance
BTS have many hair saloons, beauty centres, boutiques, low-end brands and many accessories shops. Kpop or Jpop hairs, name any hairstyle you wish to makeover, I believe the hair saloon in BTS can satisfy you. Even the hardest African hair braiding also can be done, there are few African hair saloons in BTS.

9- Perfect place for secret affairs
As what I mentioned above, BTS is a big shopping mall and there are many dark corners and secret rooms. Well, if you can avoid the security team, you can have your sweet times in some corners. *P/S: This is one of the do-able option but I do not recommend it. Bear with the consequence yourself if you get caught.

10- Practice random acts of kindness
I strongly recommend everyone to practice random acts of kindness. Many of us are afraid the approach of strangers, because we were taught to be wary of strangers especially in Malaysia. I think BTS can take my idea and make BTS a safe place to practice random acts of kindness. In Bts, we can help cleaner aunties to mop floors, take selfie for pretty tourists, carry handbags for ladies, or just simply smile and greet the foreigner tourists. Let’s put a smile on everyone in BTS! Everyone can sing everything is awesome in center court and spread the positive energy around!

Lego Movie 2014 Review

An ordinary LEGO minifigure, mistakenly thought to be the extraordinary MasterBuilder, is recruited to join a quest to stop an evil LEGO tyrant from gluing the universe together.

Awesome, awesome, everything is awesome, Batman, Emmet, Wyldstyle, Vitruvius, the cat, blah blah, everything is awesome! I like lego and i love batman, so this movie is my bias! I declared this is a Monday Movie! A highly entertaining movie, de-stress you from Monday Blue so you can continue your taco Tuesday with joy.

Spoiler alertSpoiler alertSpoiler alert

The Lego Movie- Characters

The Lego Movie- Characters

This movie has great animation and good story plot. The voice casts were awesome! Liam Neeson did a great job on voice over for goodcop/badcop, not to mention the incredible god voice – Morgan Freeman. The super duper cute mad batman, the cool and lovely lucy and the [extra] ordinary Emmet, the fluffy cloud cuckoo land, everything is awesome! There are many cute scenes and cross over of superheroes in the movie.

Batman & Wonderwomen

Batman:To the Batmobile!
[kaboooooooom] Batman: Dang it…
Wonder Woman: To the Invisible Jet!
[kabooooooooom]Wonder Woman: Dang it…

Batman mad throws batarang

Robot: Who are you here to see?
Batman: I’m here to see… your butt!
Hiak hiak hiak hiak[Mad throws batarangsssss to hit the robot and button]Batman: FIRST TRY!

Vitruvius ghost

Vitruvius ghost: awu awu awu

Superman hates Green Lantern

Green Lantern: Don’t worry Superman, I’ll get you out of there
Superman: No,don’t…
Green Lantern: Oh my gosh, my hands are stuck. My legs are stuck as well.
Superman: I super hate you. 🙁

Superman and Green lantern’s interaction is one of the cutest scene! Need not to say more, this movie is a good movie, creative and fun, totally worth for the ticket money!

I am a superfan for batman. I super love the batman in the lego movie, he is darn cute when he is mad because he missed the target. He has more joyful and fun expression in the movie. I have a collection of batman keychain and magnet which i got it from The Legoland. If you saw any cute batman stuff, please please please let me know!

Batman

Batman Magnet

Batman

Batman Blue Version keychain

Batman

Batman the family

My Lego keychain collection.

Superman, lego

Superman

Hulk, lego

Hulk is angry

Starwars DarthVader & Stroomper

Starwars DarthVader & Stroomper

My Lego Collection

My Lego Collection

Just like the theme song of the Lego movie! Everything is awesome!

My rating: 8/10
IMDB rating:
The Lego Movie (2014) on IMDb